Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
