Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
