I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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