deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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