I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
