Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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