Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
