Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
