Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
