you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
