She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
