i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
