I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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