She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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