She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
