He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
