Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
