I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
