i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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