I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
