i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
