It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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