Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There r osticjed everywhere
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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