I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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