He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
