so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
