it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
