All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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