Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
two words: eviction party
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
