I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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