Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
