So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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