he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
