I wanna passion pit in your ass
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
