There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
