i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
