it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
