It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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