so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
