I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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