There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I lost the right to judge tonight
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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