remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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