A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize
