I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
