Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
