All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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