I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
