BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
