I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
