spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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