I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
