It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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