Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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