Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
