The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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