Soap is not a condiment
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
