I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
